Cross One More Off the List

I have a few passing regrets. I say “passing” because regrets initially appear as attack thoughts and then I quickly invite them to leave. I am not running a flophouse. If regret comes in the front door, I escort it out the back. Thank you for sharing. I recognize that every decision I have ever made creates who I am today. I am satisfied with myself these days, save a few extra pounds. Okay, 15.

The regrets take these assorted shapes: I wish I had finished college and earned a decent living. I wish I had saved more money for retirement. Hell, ANY money. I wish I had invested in voice lessons. I wish I were at a job that truly made my heart sing. I wish I had made a bigger difference in the world. I wish I had realized my dream of being a fabric designer. You can see how crowded this house would be if they all moved in. Standing Room Only.

On January 1, 2010, the Universe ensured that the BIG regret shall nevermore prevail: that I have never truly loved another person or experienced being loved at depth. Enter Michael. I can say with all certainty that I no longer need to do anything greater than love Michael all-conditionally. Everything else is a distant second to this achievement. And he is easy to love.

I have shared with others that being married to Michael is like living with myself, only with different parts. Being in relationship with him is effortless. He has never criticized me or questioned my behavior. He has supported me through one of the craziest years of my life: Dad’s dementia on the rise, a fractured vertebrae, now a fractured wrist, an extremely stressful job, loss of friends. He sings on arising in the morning and laughs throughout the day. His musical intuition is acute and I love his guitar playing. He is poetic, romantic, playful, flexible, sensitive, smart, and responsive. We laugh a lot.

Actually, Michael is more than I ever hoped possible in one person. I have settled for a lot less and turned myself into a pretzel trying to stay in a relationship that was not a good fit for me. I celebrate the success of our relationship.

We have been together many lifetimes. I have recalled two and he remembers one. All three were in times of war. Now we are in a time of peace, not in the worldview, but in our souls. And our peace prevails over all the worldly chaos. We have found ourselves in each other; one love, one life, one heart.